The List
Like Homer, I have a list.
Not that Homer. I doubt he had time in between wandering around Ionia dictating poetry. Still, you never know.
I mean the other Homer. My hero. The beer swilling doughnut eating maniac.
The list is growing, and for good measure, I have noted what I am going to do to them all as well. I'm not a vengeful soul, well not all the time, but some things cannot go unpunished.
My list:
1/ George Bush/ Tony Bliar. 'Nuff said. I shall impale them on crosses and make them eat the Bible for breakfast.
2/ The people who backed out of buying our house and have put our purchase into jeopardy. Not the show. They shall be baked into a pie to feed homeless cats and dogs.
3/ Lorry drivers. Especially the three who hogged all three lanes of the motorway (when they aren't allowed in the outside line) causing several people, myself included to get trapped and miss the junction. And then have to travel seven miles down to get to the next to turn around. They shall spend eternity trying and failing to overtake lorries doing 50 mph.
4/ L'Oreal. For giving me fucking scarlet hair. I'm going to drown them in a vat of 3.46.
5/ Charlie's previous owners. For moving and leaving him homeless on the streets. In fact, any miserable fucker who has inflicted pain on others. They deserve something really special, and I shall not disappoint. I shall insert a cattle prod into their rectums and blast them with several thousand volts.
6/ The Irish fucktards I had to endure at the wedding. I'll send them to the Middle East to see how long they dare bang on about their precious religion being the only way. And arm the Arabs. Hang on, Bush and Bliar have saved me the trouble there.
7/ The Spice Girls, for crimes against music. I shall have them garroted with guitar strings.
8/ The pharmaceutical industry, for failing to produce an anti-histamine that actually works. I think they should have to endure a perpetual country music festival in an open field, with genetically modified plants that produce 100 times more pollen than the average plant. And have only their pitiful drugs to alleviate their suffering. See how they bloody like it.
9/ People who do nothing but spew ill informed bollocks. And do it in abysmal English. They shall be beaten over the head alternately with a dictionary and an encyclopaedia. It won't work, but it will be satisfying.
10/ Bill Gates. I hate XP with a passion. I'll make him personally visit every poor soul who has XP to apologise in person.
That is as far as I have got.
Have I missed anyone?
posted by DMouse007 @ 6/04/2004 04:21:00 PM
<< Home