Fish
The worst thing about working on a desk in the kitchen is that you are subject to other people's dietary whims and perversions.
For example, today one woman had fish for lunch. Doesn't sound that bad, you say? Well, for once that wasn't the problem (I'll get to that later). It was the smell.
Oh good God, the smell. It was supposed to be steamed cod with rice salad. It looked like that. It smelt like something that had died three weeks ago and had been hung up in a damp musty shed to really get nice and juicy. The whole building, not just the kitchen, reeked of it. I opened the window, but that smell just wasn't going anywhere.
And then you have the chompers. Those people who can't eat quietly, let alone with their mouths closed. I am sure that they are kind souls who, in the spirit of true generosity and kindness, want to share every part of their dining experience (and some take this to extremes by spraying food out to decorate the table, their chin and the poor unfortunate sat opposite), but that still doesn't quell the urge to garotte them with my laptop cable.
And the best bit? Being two feet away from a hot water machine and an endless supply of teabags.
Sadly, this isn't the worse client I have worked at. One, back in the days when I was training in London, put me in a basement with no windows, no water, no toilet for four floors (so the lack of water wasn't my biggest worry), no mobile reception and a sofa with all the springs poking out. The partner on the job used to arrive (on the days he felt like wandering in, that is) at 10AM eating a hot steak and kidney pie, or a sausage roll, and sit and bellow into his mobile phone. All my working papers on that job had huge greasy thumbprints on them, and if you weren't careful, crumbs would scatter themselves about the desk when you opened the file.
Another place I used to go to didn't even have room for a desk, so I had to sit on the floor in the corner reviewing files and batting away the spiders. I know people don't like auditors, but if clients want to endear themselves (and lets face they want a good report at the end of it)then a desk would be a good start. Good tea would come a close second. Then we can talk work.
But for me, work is over for the day. The paid part anyway. The Baron dropped a bottle of beef boullion last night (into the sink) but decided it would be ok to leave it to fester overnight. HarveyCat thought he would roll around in it for a home hair dye effort, and that he would make a good accompaniment to the fliched beef still in the fridge. Frankie decided to try his paw at modern art, and has redecorated my kitchen, from splashback, to cupboards, to painted wall. Lord knows what Ellie did - I certainly don't want to.
Plus as an added bonus, one of them (and I have my suspicions as to who) has rearranged the entire dvd collection. Not, as one might hope, on the shelves, but a rather more unusual method of rearrangement across the floor and under the sofa. As a finishing touch, one was in the doorway when I came in, which I realised shortly after falling over it.
Hmmm. The cats are going crazy. Harvey is fighting with Frankie, who is hissing and wailing like a banshee. Ellie is trying to join and is biting whichever of the boys is nearest. I'm going out. It is at least five and half hours to closing.
posted by DMouse007 @ 1/06/2004 04:58:00 PM
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