Long
The Blog Entry From Hell. All Ye Who Enter Abandon All Hopes Of Finishing Laundry. Still, It Will Take Your Mind Off Food. But A Bathroom Trip Might Be In Order First. Unless Ye Have A Cast Iron Bladder. Enter At Your Own Peril.
Remember that report I wrote over the holidays??? Well as it turns out. I needn't have spent any time on it. The colleague I am working with won't be here until lunch, and thought he'd leave me time to write it. So I am sat here at the clients, with pretty much nothing to do, hence this entry.
The Baron is at home, and in bed. He didn't actually come to bed until 5AM, but unfortunately for him, he needs to get up and go to the warehouse with regards to his application (which yes, I ripped up in a fit of temper). But he doesn't want to. I can't blame him (I like sleep too) but if he insists on going to bed at stupid times, then he will suffer for it.
So what on earth can I do until lunchtime??? For once, I am completely organised, and have nothing outstanding. I don't have an internet connection that I can stay connected to – just brief checks so my usual standby of surfing the net isn't an option. I have a couple of calls that I can make, but I need to wait until I have the room to myself – I am working in the staff dining room/kitchen.
So in all likelihood it will be an epic blog entry today, because I at least look like (to the client) I am working really hard and generating value for money. And that is all they care about.
Day 5 of the Healthy Eating Plan aka crappy diet. I vowed not to call it a diet, because diets don't work. The fact that a whole industry exists to cater to people’s vanity and waistlines is testimony to that fact. The scales haven't budged at all, but I have been really careful about what I eat. That is very depressing, but I know I am eating a whole lot better. And at least I am not obese, just a little rotund.
Maybe I am meant to be this weight – I have maintained it for a while and I just deviate by a pound or so. It took me a month to lose half a stone on a diet last time, although I lost the same in two weeks on holiday – heat, water, little food (stole it to feed to the feral cats) and lots of swimming. Sounds like its time for another holiday! That is a tried and true method. The only bad point is that I wanted to have lost weight before I went away.
I read some studies that suggest that the human body has its own ideal weight that doesn't always correspond to the doctor's charts, and that a person can be in peak health but be two stone overweight, and then lose that weight to fit the medically acceptable range and feel like shit. That sounds reasonable to me, even if it does smack of an excuse for the lack of scale movement. The human body is far too well designed to fit within all medically assigned parameters. And if the body is fit, then what does weight matter? If a person is fit, then it is only vanity and a desire to conform to societies norms that is the drive behind weight loss. And who are behind those media images that are blared to us from the TV, magazines and billboards making women worldwide feel inferior and ugly? Why should we conform to their desires?
Some cultures embrace size. Size is not evil. For many, size is beautiful. African women in particular celebrate their size and their femininity. Women are supposed to have curves. Full breasts and buttocks are beautiful, but in this fat conscious age, too many women are frightened of the fat that that entails. Fashion now dictates what was previously left to genetics.
I find it odd that in a culture of conspicuous consumption, where people want to be seen as having the most, the best, the only, that food is the only item that is shameful. I don't want people to gorge themselves because they can, but the hypocrisy is outstanding. Fashion says you should wear this, buy this, and have that, but make your body look like you can't afford a loaf of bread, even if in reality you can afford, and actually have plenty of food.
Now, having said all that, I still want to lose weight. Partly for health, and partly for vanity. I know that fitness and health are the important issues and those are a major reason why I am embarking on this. But I do want to look better too. I don't think I look bad now, to be honest, but when I see the typical women on TV, well I don't measure up as well as I might. My perception is skewed by what is shown on the TV and in magazines. I know that the average British woman is a size 16, which makes me average. Fine, but I have never wanted to be average! I want to look good as well as feel good, and although I feel good, I could feel a little better about myself with regards to the image in the mirror. Is that hypocritical, after all I have previously said? Yes, I think it is. I recognise that my desire to be thinner is shaped by the desire of the media, but when it boils down to it, I am doing it for me and not for them. Which is why I am putting so much time and effort in to this attempt, even though that effort hasn't been repaid yet.
The other thing I have considered is that it could be thyroid related. I am the clone of my mother, who has low thyroid levels. From what I understand, this slows down the metabolism and makes weight loss harder. She doesn't eat a huge amount, but also finds it hard to shift weight. Since Dad went on the Atkins diet she has lost a little through eating the same as him plus a slice of bread or a potato. Maybe I should go and get tested. I suppose that means confronting my fears over needles. I hate them. With a passion.
Revelation time. Despite my fear, or perhaps because of my fear of needles, I used to work as a phlebotomist. I used to take blood samples at my local hospital, both in and out patient. I thought it might help me get over it (and I was good, because I hated needles so much myself) and it assuaged my guilt that I wouldn’t donate blood, because I was helping out in a different way. It was an interesting job to have, and certainly helped in my degree studies because I had the opportunity to work in all the different pathology departments. Chemistry, haematology, biochemistry, cervical screening, histology and I even had some time in the morgue. It was great, and as I sit here wondering what to do this morning, I wonder what life would have been like if I had stayed in that field.
The water is definitely doing something for me, other than generating exercise by sending me to the bathroom every 20 minutes. My skin has erupted, which it rarely does. I am used to drinking a lot of water, but I have given up Diet Coke as well (which explains the caffeine deprivation headache) so it is having a more profound effect. The icky skin will go soon (it always does) but that just makes me feel worse at the moment. Confidence is everything, but mine has taken a small nosedive of late.
On the up side, I just returned from the bathroom. Now that doesn't sound great, but shows I am getting my water in (although I am having a welcome cup of tea to try and shift my caffeine deprivation headache). Anyway…..there is a mirror in the bathroom (quelle surprise!). But it is a kind mirror, and seems to have removed the pounds that the scale won't budge. And my skin looks fine again. I feel an awful lot better now, shallow though that might seem. It is a welcome boost to my eating plan, which is what I need to resist the piles of chocolates that have been piled onto my desk (in the dining room) to keep them away from the dieters amongst the staff. I will admit to having one Celebration Crunchie (one whole mouthful of Crunchie won’t hurt), but looking at my tuna salad poppy and sesame seeded roll (no butter and reduced fat mayo), low fat yoghurt (equal to three mouthfuls) and a Satsuma, I feel the need for some comfort to cushion the harsh reality of the scales.
I have at least another couple of hours to kill. I wish he had told me about this, because I could have travelled in later and “worked” from home this morning. If I am going to do nothing, I would rather do nothing in the privacy of my own home. Still, I am getting plenty of pontificating time, and the opportunity to set the world at rights within my own head.
Blair paid a surprise visit to Basra yesterday to bolster the troops morale. I can't see how he thought his appearance would cheer people up – he is the reason that they are stuck out there. The whole thing was disgusting – a real piece of propaganda. Every time he goes out there, he has to be photographed with a little Iraqi child giving him a kiss. Sick. Strangely it is never a child missing limbs as a result of bombing. I wonder why?
Cynical me thinks that the surprise visit might just have something to do with the Hutton Inquiry, which releases its report at the end of the month. Whilst I don't think it is going to end his career (although I can dream), I don't think he will look as good as he wants, hence the pre-emptive “I’m a good guy really” act.
What was funny was his speech to the troops, where he seemed to slip into autopilot (otherwise known as compulsive lie mode) and started to make reference to weapons of………whoops he caught himself…..distraction, and I think he said devastation before quickly turning direction. It must be hard to switch tack after so long, although according to some senior Ministers, it was always about removing a despotic leader and not just those pesky (and still to be found) weapons. I love the airbrushing of history – do they really think that we are that stupid? Actually, given the number of people that watch Big Brother, I suppose that a lot of people are that stupid.
In the defence of stupid people, they provide an awful lot of entertainment. Like Britney Spears getting married as a joke, the silly little tart. It is going to be fun watching her trying to annul the marriage without losing any part of her fortune. And then there is George Bush Jnr. Any speech of his is good for a laugh (unless you have to watch your blood pressure, because a stroke isn’t particularly funny). It will be fun watching him try to present himself for re-election as a mild mannered Christian Texan with the ability to string together coherent sentences (after several years as a blood thirsty power lunatic with the amazing ability to put his foot in his mouth most times he opens it). Not that it matters – he cheated last time and I don't think he will roll over and allow the country to choose its own leader this time. Well, only if he is their choice! Not when there are more countries that still need to be bombed into acceptance of the American Way, not when there is still oil in those heathen countries. There is still the Axis of Evil to deal with – most of Iran is still standing after all, the Axis of semi Evil, the Axis of not quite as Evil as the semi Evil Axis, but working on it, the Axis of trying to be Evil but not succeeding………………….
So, stupidity isn't a sin, it just renders education harder. So said Princess Frederick of her eldest daughter. It is true, even if it is a little unkind when in relation to your own child. Whilst the Princess didn’t derive much entertainment from the stupidity of her daughter, history certainly gets a little giggle now and then. But can the same be said for Dubya?? Will he provide giggles for future generations of history scholars, or has he started us on a path that ultimately destroys our future?
Terrorism breeds terrorism. People as a rule don't like having the crap bombed out of their countries for spurious reasons (even if Western leaders think that God is on their side), and then being invaded by the country they hate most in the world. That just creates more resentment and hatred, and just leads to more people willing to sacrifice their lives for something they believe is true. One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter, and the forces in Iraq, and the political forces behind them would do well to remember that.
If our country were to be invaded, would we condemn those who fought to rid us of occupiers? No, we would hail them as heroes, and we would respect and revere them. So why do people think that the Iraqi’s are any different? Why do we (as a nation – I know there are a lot of right minded people who see the truth) condemn them as insurgents, and feel that their deaths by superior man and fire power are justified? They do not want the forces there. They have said this, and they have been ignored. Now they show us and they are still ignored. The only people who seem to think that the continuing occupation is justified is those actually doing the occupying, and former Iraqi’s who have defected.
And what are we teaching the next generation? Hatred for the invaders of their country? That those with the biggest weapons and forces can do what they like? That weapons equal power? That'll end the terrorism, I’m sure.
Enough of that. I can feel my blood pressure rising, and I am trying to be healthy here. I don’t need exploding eyeballs. Think nice thoughts, think nice thoughts.
I just spoke to the Baron. No nice thoughts there – he still hasn't called the warehouse. I could hear my monsters miaowing in the background – they don't sound happy either. I hope he feeds them again before he leaves for work; otherwise I will be ambushed when I get home. I wonder what time we will leave today? Hopefully about 3.30-4PM to miss all the traffic, but we haven't really achieved anything today. Other than this.
It is 12 noon. I have been here 3 ¾ hours, with nothing to do. Still another hour or so to kill before my colleague arrives. I have done what little work I can, and as we all know, have rambled on here at great length. Only another hour. Still struggling on the nice thoughts though – it is far easier to end up ranting inside your own skull.
One thing I have pondered of late, is why do so many mad cat ladies exist? What is it about cats that make some people, and lets face it, they are usually slightly batty old ladies with no children, want to collect them? I have three, and I adore them. I would like one more, but I don't think it would be in the best interests of my current creatures to have any more. I have a stopping point, but clearly some people don't. A woman in Canada died recently, and left 100 cats needing a home. 100 cats. To do her justice, all were neutered and well cared for, and amazingly all were indoor cats. Not the more usual scenario of a house knee deep in cat shit and inbred cats. But still. I don't know whether the keeping of 100 cats, however good the conditions, is fair to the cats. Cats are not pack creatures, and whilst some can live happily together, others suffer extreme stress at being forced to live with other cats.
But ethics aside, what is it about cats in particular? You don't hear of mad dog ladies, or mad canary ladies, just those deranged cat collectors. I know cats are wonderful creatures. They can give so much love and have so much personality in those small warm furry bodies (unless you are into Sphynxes, that is!). They can make you laugh and smile and want to wring their necks all in one moment. Cat ownership has been described as both agony and ecstasy, and I can see their point.
Maybe it isn't the cats I should be focussing on? Plenty of people love cats without going to the extremes of starting a cat exhibition. Maybe it is the women? What is it about them? I personally think it has something to do with thwarted motherhood. Mad cat ladies seem to be frequently childless (whether through accident or design), and cats do fill that need to a certain extent. They cuddle, they depend on you for food and water (to a certain degree), they develop their own little (or in the case of my own HarveyCat, big) personalities and best of all, they don't grow up and leave you. What more could you want? Ok, the litter tray is similar to nappies, but they don't take as long to toilet train as real children, and unlike children they don't need to be forced into the bath every night, unless you are a real masochist.
I can understand it to a certain extent, because by current design we are childless, and having cats does help to dull that ache a little. But 100 cats seems, at least to me, to suggest a deep psychological problem. Huge numbers of cats won’t remove loneliness, it will only mask it.
Thinking along those lines led me to thinking about those women, and thankfully they are few, who compulsively have children year after year (I'm not picking on devout Catholics here). There was a TV programme on not so long ago about Britain’s biggest family, with the two parents and 17 children, and hopes of at least one more. I know I want children, but definitely not that many. It isn't fair to the children (despite the parent’s claim that they all get plenty of love and attention. I believe the love, but not the attention.), it isn't fair to the taxpayers (the father has a job, but I don't care how frugal you are, one job isn’t going to support 15 people – the four eldest have moved out – and family allowance and other benefits must pick up the tab. Why should everyone else pay because one couple don't know when to stop?) and it isn't fair to the earth itself, struggling over a population that is growing exponentially, but using up precious resources like there is no tomorrow. Which thanks to Dubya, there might not be anyway.
What makes a woman want to keep reproducing and reproducing and reproducing? What makes her want to put herself through the biologically arduous process of pregnancy and childbirth? I know lots of very sensible, and maternal ladies, who adore their children beyond reason, but have known when it was time to stop, and focus on the children they already have. I know the decision to stop having children is a personal one, and there are many issues to consider, but I can't see how one can justify putting such a drain on the taxpayer and the earth to satisfy a craving, however strong. I just can't see it, and I think it is selfish.
Although I think it might be sweet justice when I think of how much washing she would have to do. Just imagine the sheer logistics of having 15 children at home – all the shopping, ironing, cleaning, cooking etc. They have to hire a coach to go on holiday (caravanning – can you imagine the cost of a hotel!). Her eldest daughter has a young son of her own, who is older than her youngest child.
And she still wants more? Maybe someone should buy her a cat or two.
I bet you all want out of my head now! I’m sure you will be overjoyed to hear that my colleague has arrived now. Sadly this doesn’t mean any work, because he is reviewing my report (I am his senior, but he has several years experience at this firm and I would be stupid not to take advantage of that) and the work I assumed we would be starting today is in fact due to start tomorrow. So I have a file to set up, lunch to munch and that is pretty much it. Not bad for a first day back at work.
And with that in mind, I would like to add that we have been working on the report review for the last two hours. I have made several slight amendments to bulk it out, and I am still bored. Lunch was munched, the file actually arrives tomorrow already set up and so I am done for the day. Now all that is left is an hour and a half drive home (if I am lucky) and then some peace, quiet, exercise and kitty love. Now that doesn’t sound too bad.
posted by DMouse007 @ 1/05/2004 06:15:00 PM
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