Marching onwards: 06/01/2004

Monday, June 28, 2004

There. Is. A. Bird. In. My. House

Get it out.

I hate birds.

Could it be true?

We've sold the house again, subject to contract of course. Third time lucky we hope.

So now it is back to searching for a house.

Someone please just put me out of my misery!

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Crap crap crap

England are out. The Pond is undergoing a mini rampage.

And I'm out of beer.

Monday, June 21, 2004

Updates from the DMouse House

Sister and partner are attempting a reconciliation.

House stuff is still unresolved.

Dad had his first flying lesson and loved it!

Got given an awful lot of free furniture for the new house, when we find one.

Cats are still bonkers.

Hair is still fucking scarlet.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

For once, I wish I could have something nice to say...

Not going to happen.

My sister broke up with her partner of four years today. She isn't doing so well, and he is crushed. I'm hoping that they can work things out.

The house we were going to buy was put back on the market today. So it looks like that dream is over.

Actually, I do have one good bit of news. My probation period at work is finally over. Six months gone already!

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Absent, presumed sneezing

Me and my gravity defying boobs are still here. Just.

Hayfever makes me want to curl up in a ball and die. Medicine does nothing and the doctor sees so many hayfever patients that he doesn't care.

So life depends on the pollen count.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Defying gravity

My new tops with the built in engineering arrived this morning. Some of us need that extra welding to keep things as they should be.........

So at the moment I am defying the laws of gravity. I am not however defying the laws of cat hair. I look half cat - white male tabby to be precise, although a certain bitey ginger whinger has left his mark.

Still, I went to a farm shop today whilst on my travels. Not only do I have a bunch of the finest organic English asparagus, but I have a punnet of the finest organic English strawberries. They were freshly picked - still warm from the sun and they are so sweet and juicy.

Dessert? A meringue nest filled with whipped cream and fresh strawberries. Who's coming over?

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

House Hell

So.......

We lost our buyer last week. The people we are buying from gave us a week to find another buyer before they would put their house back on the market. That expires tomorrow.

We sold the house last night. But.......it puts us in a chain, and the people we are purchasing from need to move quickly. Never mind that the legal stuff is nearly all complete. Never mind that we have spent nearly a grand in getting to this point.

It looks like we may well lose the house, unless our buyer can sell this weekend.

Fuck.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

D Day

"This is D-Day. This is the day."

And 60 years ago today, the liberation began.

Friday, June 04, 2004

The List

Like Homer, I have a list.

Not that Homer. I doubt he had time in between wandering around Ionia dictating poetry. Still, you never know.

I mean the other Homer. My hero. The beer swilling doughnut eating maniac.

The list is growing, and for good measure, I have noted what I am going to do to them all as well. I'm not a vengeful soul, well not all the time, but some things cannot go unpunished.

My list:

1/ George Bush/ Tony Bliar. 'Nuff said. I shall impale them on crosses and make them eat the Bible for breakfast.

2/ The people who backed out of buying our house and have put our purchase into jeopardy. Not the show. They shall be baked into a pie to feed homeless cats and dogs.

3/ Lorry drivers. Especially the three who hogged all three lanes of the motorway (when they aren't allowed in the outside line) causing several people, myself included to get trapped and miss the junction. And then have to travel seven miles down to get to the next to turn around. They shall spend eternity trying and failing to overtake lorries doing 50 mph.

4/ L'Oreal. For giving me fucking scarlet hair. I'm going to drown them in a vat of 3.46.

5/ Charlie's previous owners. For moving and leaving him homeless on the streets. In fact, any miserable fucker who has inflicted pain on others. They deserve something really special, and I shall not disappoint. I shall insert a cattle prod into their rectums and blast them with several thousand volts.

6/ The Irish fucktards I had to endure at the wedding. I'll send them to the Middle East to see how long they dare bang on about their precious religion being the only way. And arm the Arabs. Hang on, Bush and Bliar have saved me the trouble there.

7/ The Spice Girls, for crimes against music. I shall have them garroted with guitar strings.

8/ The pharmaceutical industry, for failing to produce an anti-histamine that actually works. I think they should have to endure a perpetual country music festival in an open field, with genetically modified plants that produce 100 times more pollen than the average plant. And have only their pitiful drugs to alleviate their suffering. See how they bloody like it.

9/ People who do nothing but spew ill informed bollocks. And do it in abysmal English. They shall be beaten over the head alternately with a dictionary and an encyclopaedia. It won't work, but it will be satisfying.

10/ Bill Gates. I hate XP with a passion. I'll make him personally visit every poor soul who has XP to apologise in person.

That is as far as I have got.

Have I missed anyone?

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Not as bad

Today isn't any better.

But I haven't broken or set fire to anything. Yet. It is 19.03 so there is still scope for disaster. I'll keep trying.

To add to my woes, I have the concentration span of a lemon.

Never mind.

Not the best day ever...

Laugh away......

Yesterday, I:

- woke up and sneezed thirteen times in a row;

- broke the bed;

- spilled tea all over my working papers;

- broke a photocopier. Not unusual;

- split my trousers bending down to mend said photocopier;

- bruised my arm in mending said photocopier;

- set fire to it......I really am not sure how that happened;

- burned my arm in removing burning portion of said photocopier;

- lost the buyer of our house. That was the icing on the cake;

- made an emergency dash to put boxes in storage so we can show the house at the weekend;

- The Baron ran out of petrol on the motorway; and

- got home and sneezed eleven times in a row.

Today doesn't appear to be starting any better. I woke up and sneezed twelve times in a row.

I'm staying home today. I can't face going to work, so I shall work from home. Seems wise!

A grumpy Baron. A deranged 6 year old nephew. 6 cats with aspirations ranging from dog domination to pet goldfish consumption. A rottweiler. 3 pet goldfish - for now. And sometimes I even do some work.

Name: DMouse007

Location: Essex, United Kingdom

What can I say? By day, I am a respectable member of the auditing community. By night, I am a beer guzzling bass guitar player with a good side line in cooking.

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